Oh, I’m getting older too

“Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older, too”
 
Feeling this song by Fleetwood Mac in a whole new way these days. Today, I created a new playlist to allow space to feel all the feels associated with the big changes on the horizon for the Gauthier gang as Faith prepares to transition out of our house and into her next chapter. Simultaneously, Briella will begin to attend school full-time leaving me with far more space and time to rediscover who I am beyond the all-encompassing motherhood identity I have loved and also used as a cloak to hide beneath.
As family systems face seismic shifts, foundation altering cracks can leave space for new things to emerge. I wonder what songs reflect what’s on the other side of the landslide…?
Continue Reading

Trust Falls

“There is no way she will be able to go.” Those were the words we kept tossing back and forth at each other as we did our best to assess the situation and plan accordingly. Decisions needed to be made, financially and otherwise, as to whether or not Bailey would participate in an upcoming out-of-state college […]

Continue Reading

Rules to live by?

For both professional and personal reasons, as of late I’ve been swimming through literature, podcasts, film and research all related to the concept of resilience. So as often happens, when my brain is steeping in thematically rich waters, I can no longer avoid catching a glimpse whatever the theme might be every.where.I.freaking.look. I see it in […]

Continue Reading

Young Love

I just love your arms, Mama She stares at me unabashedly, unflinchingly, unceremoniously. They hold me, they help me, they cover me, they snuggle me. I hold her gaze this time, letting her young daughter love drench this parched and weary mama heart. Someday the ambivalence will come between us too, my baby girl. But […]

Continue Reading

Mantras

“Wounding and healing are not opposites. They’re part of the same thing. It is our wounds that enable us to be compassionate with the wounds of others. It is our limitations that make us kind to the limitations of other people. It is our loneliness that helps us to to find other people or to […]

Continue Reading

Little Women Marching

It’s already a little difficult to recall my personal feelings leading up to the Women’s March on January 21, 2017. So much has unfolded since that historical day. But I want to at least try to catalogue some of the movement – both inner and outer – before the chaotic and dizzying twists and turns […]

Continue Reading

4

It seems fitting that I’ve been mostly bed ridden with a nasty virus these first few days of the new year in anticipation of Briella’s 4th birthday. I had no choice but to be present – present to my body and how it aches right now with sickness, but also present to the memories of […]

Continue Reading

The Knowing

I have had three mystical experiences in my life. The first experience, or encounter, led to a spiritual conversion as it occurred in the midst of an alter call when I was 16. The second occurred as I was being frantically rushed back into the operating room after barely surviving an earlier c-section and emergency […]

Continue Reading